The Dark Side

In our biweekly SPAM (Supporting Professionals with Advising Maladies, coined by a colleague) meeting today, my co-workers who were present shockingly discovered a side of me that was rarely expressed outwardly. I was venting - in frustration, anger, annoyance, etc., along with other off-the-cuff and "so-unlike-Arlene!" phrases that I would most often just internalize.

I felt free and safe to do those things since I knew that I was in a setting that permitted such expressive vocalizing. In fact, it was one of the reasons for establishing SPAM. And whatever they heard and what I knowingly said remain in the four walls of that conference room, regardless of any new impression (if any) they may have formed of me.

They reacted and concernedly critiqued which I welcomed and appreciated. But more importantly, they listened.

Was today a fluke for my venting? I don't know...

I realize that I need more of those vigorously expressive outlets, since I hardly have any outside SPAM.

My mangled pillow is often the victim.

I probably should go to a comedy club and just laugh my heart out.

Or maybe do theater or method acting.

But I'm too shy.

Or perhaps, too intense.

I can imagine someone saying that I should get a pet.

But I'm not a pet person.

I'll just keep writing here. :-)